Bad Teeth and Fast Food

I awakened this morning with a strange desire.  I rolled over in my bed and my first thought was “I wonder what time the chicken shack opens up”. I hadn’t had anything from the chicken shack since I was a kid but for some unknown reason I had my heart, mind and taste buds set on a six piece chicken liver dinner with gravy, biscuits, fries and an ice-cold coke.  So I set up in my bed, prayed to the Lord Almighty and grabbed my laptop to see what time the chicken shack opened. They opened up at 9:00 am, woohoo! So I waited and waited and waited. Even though they  opened at 9:00 am I didn’t want to be the first in line for some chicken livers. I mean, I don’t want to seem greedy, I do have standards y’know, so I decided to get there at 9:15 am.

I drove up to the chicken shack and realize there were two other people ahead of me. Great! I’m not the only greedy person wanting fried chicken products at 9:00am. There are others! So I pull up to the menu and wait to be asked what I wanted and was greeted by a woman with a raspy country voice demanding that I “pull on round”, so I did.  Once I pulled up to the window I saw a rather tall lady with a golden tooth and jehri curl. I was a little perplexed as I had not seen a golden tooth and a jheri curl in ages, but I didn’t want to stare so  as she began to ask me “what chu want teet”, I looked away and looked at the side menu and said, with joy and excitement in my heart, “I’d like a 6 piece chicken liver dinner please”.  What she said next changed everything. I mean, how could I go through the day with this news. She said “we ain’t got no mo livers mayum”. I said “excuse me. As she repeated that disheartening phrase I got a good glimpse at the bottom row of her teeth and It was not a pretty sight.

I couldn’t believe what I’d just seen so I asked her to repeat what she said and made sure I took a good hard look at her while she spoke.  The bottom row of her teeth were a tragedy. They were a multicolored mess containing specks of black, brown, gold, yellow,green and red ground in between her teeth and the gum line. The only white I saw were on the tips of her teeth. My mood suddenly changed. I was thoroughly and completely grossed out and disgusted. I was no longer disappointed that the chicken shack was out of chicken livers. As a matter of fact I was elated they were out and hoped the store would close for the day. I no longer had an appetite for chicken livers and happily drove home where I prepared myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and an ice-cold glass of water.

I couldn’t even finish my sandwich because images of her teeth were dancing in my head as I tried to take a bite out of my food.

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My Insanity

I remember the first time I fell in love. I also remember the second, third and fourth time  too but the love that affected me the most was the last love; the love I love now. The effect he had on me during those first few months were magical. The newness of it all was great. The electricity I felt when he touched me, the butterflies I felt when I thought of him, the sheer joy on my face and in my heart when I heard his voice was something out of a fairy tale. I realized fairly quickly he had what my great-grandmother called “a silver tongue”. He was one of those smooth talking, extremely handsome, broad smile, white teeth having men that could melt the panties off a girl with a glance, a smile and a few words. That, in itself, should have sent me running in the opposite direction, along with the fact he was married, but my dumb ass was lonely, desperate for love, and the attention he poured on me felt golden. Yeah, he sniffed my needy ass out before I had time to react. Logic was nowhere to be found. In its place was a big gaping hole of stupidity and selfishness disguised as love and emotions in which, till this day, has me unable to fully and completely let go.

It has indeed been an emotional roller coaster from heaven and hell being in love with him. I’ve never met a man who can make me loath and love him all at once.  I’ve never met a man who can love me as good as he lies to me. I’ve never met a man who makes me want to be so very close to him and yet so far away from him all in the same moment.  The myriad of excuses for the lies, deceit,  and constant inconsistency amaze me every single time to the point I sometimes wonder if he sits up at night with a pen and pad, researching lies, and coming up with shit to use in certain situations. I know, I should have seen it coming. He’s cheating on his wife so how on earth could he be even a little bit trustworthy? Well, fool, he can’t; and in that moment of realization and frustration my insanity kicks in. My insane self begins to think, ” he’s touched my heart in ways no man ever has and has made me feel more wanted and desired than I ever have in my life” and Immediately after that thought, without batting an eye, I have once again allowed him to find his way back into my heart. To be honest, he never left. I am once again loving and loathing what I’ve allowed to happen; wanting to both let go and hold on and unable to fully do either.